GirlinSTL Life

Friday, September 27, 2024

This is all there is

It's so funny to me how many illusions the mind has that we don't even confront and just let flow on and they become a part of our base reality. One of these is the "I'll be happy when" illusion. This is the one that's controlling my life right now. I'll be happy when I look a certain way. I'll be happy when I gain a certain amount of money. I'll be happy when I'll be happy when. In the meantime the time and youth we currently have slips quietly out of our hands and so we try to grab it more. Ironically, the years where we were the most insecure and most envious of others' beauty were the ones where we were most beautiful, in our youth. It's important to learn this young so you don't try to slather yourself with creams , trying to get back to a snapshot of a time that will never come back. What delusion is this ? That there's going to be a "fixed" point of time after which I won't have any more struggles. I might be more at peace but there will always be struggles. And the fixed point of time is not even real because everything is constantly, constantly moving. The earth moves around the sun. Time flows on, steady, since the day you were born. We are constant and always in motion. Not only physically, but who we are changes as well from year to year and the experiences we have. I think that happiness is in motion and always having goals. If I stopped having goals and doing things, I would die. Happiness is being in motion and having goals while knowing that we will ALWAYS be in progress, up until the moment we die. It's an illusion that once we fix ourselves and gain everything we want, then we'll be "perfect". No. There will always be something else. There will always be another struggle or another flaw or dream or wish or desire. Stop imagining a future self where everything is perfect and you look the way you want and you have the money you want. Because even if you have all of that, I PROMISE. I PROMISE you're never going to be at your maximum happiness. Even lottery winners' baseline happiness evens out. It's called the hedonic treamill sweetheart. The unhappiest person is the one who has it all, who has everything he wants. Because if he has everything, there's nothing left to strive for. There's no reason to work hard. When you can afford to take all the trips you want, no trip is really that important. When you can afford anything you want, nothing seems *that* desirable because it's right in your reach. You don't have to yearn for it and want it so everything's a little "meh". I promise that if you woke up and were a millionare for a long time, and didn't have to work, and could take trips whenever and buy whatever, eventually the world would seem rather bland. It might seem great for a bit. Would you really even be all into the things you wanted to do and the goals you wanted to accomplish? Taking away the need to do something would make your desire for it a lot less. Repeat to yourself. This is all there is. This is all there is. This is all there is. The most precious gift you ever could have- life, and time are already in your grasp. You already have them. Not only the time and life, but the awareness that this is the most precious gift. A lot of people spend their life wanting and wishing for other things and at the end, are so surprised that life came to an end so suddenly. Did you know that even cancer survivors, what they wish for, is to just have more time to do stuff and just more time to be and exist and experience LIFE ? Rainy days and sunny days, and all the days in between. To wake up every morning and to have another full day wide ahead of you. That's the greatest gift that we have. They don't wish for stuff on their bucket list, they just want more TIME with their loved ones and to be a human.

Tuesday, July 30, 2024

I'm already that girl

I'm already her. The one that slides my hands over my smooth legs and admires my skin. The one that decorates her toes in a warning black, that wears shiny diamond anklets. The one that takes care of herself and has a skincare routine. The one that exercises every day. The girl that dresses how she wants. That girl. The one that always smells like lavendar on a summer day, that has a sweet smile and jet black hair. The one that can bite and blush as needed. Here's a secret though. The girl doesn't exist on the outside. Her outside is a reflection of her inside. She feels her beauty within. “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” Sophia Loren She feels it when she is grounded and confident. She feels it when she's coming from a place of supply and not lack. She feels it when she's listening to certain Beyonce songs. She doesn't need it from anyone else.

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Important New Year's Resolutions For Scatterbrained Me

2024 update- oh you sweet sweet thing- you're scatterbrained because you have ADHD. Some tips: - A- you know your social now so no need to memorize it. Meds helped ;) - B- be yourself. its fine to take inspiration from others but you shouldn't idealize others the way you do. In 2024 you like yourself and you accept yourself the way you are - because you're stuck with yourself. you are already confident and you have good enough social skills to get jobs and keep jobs. You're fine- don't obsess over it.
Make a poster that has these things:

1. What is your SS #?
Write it down and cover it, and whenever you walk by, try to guess it.

2. Make a folder of Long Term Imp Stuff and Shot Term Imp Stuff.
Long Term Includes: College Classes for Degree
Short Term Includes: Insurance Reimbursement from Accident

3. Confidence: Make a list of people whose confidence you like.
Sharleen Joynt
Chrissy Teigen
Pao Mayfield
Ailee Halo
Kassandra
Sierra
Kiss&Cry
Amelia Rose Earhart
Rachel Parent

Malala
Rachel Maddow
CL
Bohye
Ji Hyun
Gahi/Kahi/Gahee
Chimamananda Ngochi Adiche
Amal Clooney
"strong minded, independent, outgoing person "

Steps to Have this type of Confidence
Join Toastmasters Again
Join Mock Trial/Debate Club
Also, you can't have this type of confidence if you are insecure in what you are saying.